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Bill Lampton Ph.D.
Hi there, welcome to the biz communication Show. I’m your host, Bill Lampton the biz communication guy, and with the conversation I have with our highly qualified guest. You will get tips and strategies that will boost your business because we’re going to be talking about winning words and ways on the biz communication Show. Today, I’m delighted to welcome a return engagement. Our guest, Linda swindling Linda Swindling, empowers and equips leaders to negotiate what matters and everything from big deals to workplace drama. named one of the top 10 global gurus and negotiation lender knows firsthand about high stakes communication, influencing decision makers and dealing with difficult people. For more than 20 years, lend us winnings topic of negotiation has encompassed respectful communication, dispute resolution, leadership, and achieving breakthrough results. A certified speaking professional board certified coach and as she puts it, recovering attorney Linda is the creator of the popular passports to Success book series. She has authored or co authored 20 books, and I I’ve read several of her books, and we’re going to be discussing one of them. She has authored and co authored 20 books, as I’ve said, including the award winning ask outrageously the secret to getting what you really want. And today’s topic, stop complainers, and energy drainers. So join me in welcoming to the biz communication show. Linda swindling. Hi, Linda.
Linda Swindling
Hi, Bill. How are ya? Delightful to
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
have you with us? And we’re going to be talking about your most recent book stop complainers and energy drainers. And my gosh, how much we need to do that. With the consulting the speaking and the writing that you’ve done over a wide range of topics. lendo what was it that brought you to do the research and take the time to write this book? Why? Why was this a compelling topic that you felt business leaders needed to hear?
Linda Swindling
Though I didn’t know it was going to be? I was actually in the middle of a speech, not a training or a conversation, a speech with about 300 people. And someone yelled out, wait, go back, said to what? And they said that that stuff, you’re talking about uncomplaining? I was just talking about workplace communications. We spent another 10 minutes talking about that the audience was really alive. I left the room said that’s the next newsletter. And so I called my team and we did a newsletter. And then it was the most opened newsletter we had ever sent out. We have an E tips newsletter. And guess what? A publisher called me off of that a friend who had published another book I had done and said, I think you should do a book on now that stopped complainers and energy drainers topic. And that’s how we started. So it was just basically someone having, you know, the courage and being brave enough to yell out Wait. I need that topic. How do we stop those complainers? What do we do with these energy drainers
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
this goes back to what you and I were talking about a few weeks back and we were we were just messaging on LinkedIn at the time and we remembered a character from the long ago comic strip a little Abner Where is His name was Joe but you couldn’t pronounce his second name because there were no variables, all constants, but we will remember that Joe was the type guy who went around with a cloud over his head and lightning striking Nether nothing was ever very good for Joe. But getting to your very compelling explanation of why you wrote the book. It’s the is the old bit about a felt need and meeting a felt need? Not only your your audience reaction, but that you you did an email on the topic and it was your most opened email. So that that showed how relevant and how needed. This was one of the many underlyings that I did in your book, London was this one where you said employees don’t want to work with complainers. Even if you pay them 73% of people say they would choose to stay in their current job at their current annual pay. Rather, this is 73% rather than accepting a $10,000 pay raise, if it requires working daily with a chronic complainer, that’s, that’s quite a revelation there.
Linda Swindling
It’s surprising. And when we said, you know, describe complainers to us, we got all these words, nobody said expensive. Think of how expensive that is. You’ve got people that could move up to leadership that are trained to say, I’m gonna do want to even have 11% saying I left a job because of this, this kind of complaining energy draining behavior. Well, Bill, if that’s the case, we’re losing our highest performers, our highest potential people because they have the options to leave. And there was something else that you probably saw on their bill to it was, you know, people say, I’m an almost 80% 78% said, I’m spending three to six hours a week dealing with an energy drain or, or a constant complainer, that’s that’s a lot of downtime dealing with negative behavior that’s not productive.
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
And this is why you you emphasize that that energy drainers they complainers, that they are, they are impacting, they are reducing, they have a very strong negative impact on product productivity, nothing.
Linda Swindling
Right. I mean, that’s, that’s a month to to have lost time, for 78% of your people a month or two every year have lost time. And that’s crazy, isn’t it? I mean, think of how many billions dollars are lost. It’s not it’s not 1000s or millions, it’s billions. Because people are having to deal with people not wanting to do their job or blame, do something else, you know, waiting to be heard whatever their reasoning is.
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
Well, before you became a consultant, speaker, author, you were an an you were an attorney, a recovering attorney, she referred to it. You you have been in workplace situations. And before I became a professional speaker, consultant, and Communication Coach, I was in management for 20 years. And I you and I both know very well from firsthand experience, that what you talk about in this book, is something we have experienced. So one of the questions that I think is, is very vital here is how do you define a complainer, for example, all of us who have worked in the same place for a while we have associations with the people that we work with. And we probably get to know their their families something about them, we might socialize with them. So what we listened to some of their problems, I mean, that’s, that’s natural. That’s what associates and friends do. What what takes us past that level of just being a friendly co worker to being a complainer, who impacts morale and productivity, what? Where do you draw the line, Linda?
Linda Swindling
That’s great. And he said exactly the right thing. All of us complain on some level, if things get stressful, we’re going to have a negative reaction to it. These people don’t get out of that. They are running production, you’ve said ruining productivity, but also they live there. And and here’s the thing, you might be able to deal with a couple of them, but you probably can’t deal with all five types. And so what bothers may or may not bother you. So for instance, if you have someone who’s a bully and controlling, they can cause all sorts of problems, sexual harassment, bullying, some sort On harassment because people will assign the blame to them. You know that that’s why they’re doing this behavior to me. You have a whiner, they’re not participating. And they their gift of forming relationships. They’re not using it. The gift of people who are really good with facts and figures and leveraging, they become complicated. Now nobody can figure out the system or they won’t move ahead. They won’t accept the change. We’ve all worked with this prima donnas. You know, what are they trying to do? They’re just trying to get attention. So think about a workplace full of people just trying to get attention and not get things done. Or worse yet, you probably saw that toxic one talks, it’s about one out of 20 of the leaders that you’ll see there’s all sorts of statistics, one out of 20 are narcissist who really have no, you know, conscience. Imagine what those people can do to your workforce. So it’s not just the legal ramifications which a bit right, the harassment case, but it’s also people leaving or not getting things done.
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
We’ve talked so far about the harmful effects of complainers. When we come right back in just a few seconds, we’re going to talk about why in your book, you say that there can be some value to complainers back to discuss that in a minute. Do you wish
Speaker 3
you felt confident about giving speeches? Do you want to deal with difficult people constructively? And what about becoming more persuasive and sales? Then keep listening now to Dr. Bill Lampton, he spent 20 years in management, so he knows the communication skills you need for success. I urge you to call the biz communication guide today for a no call, but very valuable 30 minute discussion about your communication challenges. Call now. 678-316-4300. Again, that’s 678-316-4300.
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
You’re with us on the biz communication show. I’m Bill Lampton your host, we’re delighted to be talking with Linda swindling today about complainers in the workplace. And Lenda. As I mentioned, you have said that, yes, they’re very detrimental most of the time, and yet, we should not eliminate our ignore all complainers. What’s your reason for saying that?
Linda Swindling
Well, some of us just totally shut down. If we’re being approached by a person that doesn’t speak in that calming tone, or, you know, a pleasant tone to us or a polite tone, when you’re hijacked. When things are really negative, or you’re stressed, you may not have the words that you would usually have that sound more professional, don’t disregard the message and don’t disregard that person. Just because they’re using, you know, a tone that you don’t like, or they’re not saying things quite right, listen and hear what they’re saying. Are they giving you an argument that maybe you hadn’t thought about? Are they maybe bringing something to your attention, either at the workplace, or maybe it’s a product or a service you’re giving. And you hadn’t heard that? You know, no wonder they’re mad because they’re not getting their materials or services aren’t being delivered correctly, or nobody’s listening to them. Sometimes those are like the early detectors or the people that were brave enough to come and talk to you tell you what was going on. And in some cases, they can save your business.
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
We do know that that constructive feedback. Every manager, every leader needs that. And yet, if the constructive feedback sounds like a complaint, the manager then has to at least ask is there validity to what’s being said. And truly, anyone who’s has been or is in a supervisory position, if you if you ignore all feedback that comes to you, then you’re trying to operate the ship alone, and that’s not going to work very well. Another item I would like to add just mentioned managers, and so I would, I would wonder, Linda, are there many managers who really avoid trying to talk with or persuade or even control the complainers because they before your book came out, but because they really don’t know how to do it and they think they’ll just cause more friction. Is there maybe a timidity on some managers part there? Oh, it’s
Linda Swindling
it timidity on all of our parts that yeah, leaders, often managers, leaders, co workers, often don’t address it because they think, well, maybe I missed I was mistaken. Or maybe this will go away, or maybe they’re having a bad day. And here’s the problem. If you don’t address it, as you know, Bill, it just rolls forward, and it can gather steam, right. And all of a sudden, you have a very big problem. Plus, you’re sending a signal to everybody else, this person gets to use unprofessional behavior, maybe you want to use unprofessional behavior. And where he could have had just a conversation, a teaching moment, if you would, all of a sudden you have a very culture that can be even poisoned by someone whose behavior isn’t being caught or addressed.
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
I also would like for your comment on when you got a we could call it, I suppose a toxic workplace where there’s there’s an abundance of complainers and gripe errs, or whatever we want to call them. To what extent does that impact customers?
Linda Swindling
Oh, it’s huge. I can remember walking into a hotel in Arizona. And you may know this, I was a front desk clerk. And so I always talked to front desk cards, because I know it can be a tough job. And I said, Hey, okay, you work here, you live here. Where should I eat around here? And she said, Well, I wouldn’t try our restaurant, it stinks. We you’re going to get bad food, bad service, I would go somewhere else. So not only she was in her mind, she was protecting me. But because they had problems in the restaurant she was sharing. And that’s what you’ll find. People won’t want to talk to your employees. And actually, they will tell you exactly what’s going on. If you say, Well, it seems like you’re having a bad day. They’ll say, Yeah, my manager just yelled at me. Shockingly, people will discredit that the worst thing that was it used to be just one on one or one on a couple. Now you can go on the internet, you put it on Indeed you put it on LinkedIn, you put it on Glassdoor, all those employment sites to say never work here, or they don’t have their act together. Wow, that can really be some damage. And you won’t ever get any new people to help you.
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
I know very well, and I can’t name the place, of course, but I am very familiar with a restaurant that lost much of its business. Because New Management came in. And the new management made the the workers there, the the servers made them very unhappy. And the server’s who had been there for an amazing number of years, they knew many of the, the regular customers. And so they, they felt open to talk to them about it. And so they they began to complain about the new management, and how the the the workers, the employees, the servers were being treated. And it’s my observation that that restaurant is not going to be around very long, because one of the ways I would put it is people go to businesses, not to hear about your problems. But they go so you can, you can have your problems solved. And while there could be temporary tolerance and acceptance, when that type of complaining takes place publicly, as you were talking about, and a hotel. You’re thinking this is not a place that I that I want to come back to very often.
Linda Swindling
You’re going there to escape your problems, escape your dishes is getting cooking. And all of a sudden, people are showing up and throwing up their problems. That doesn’t sound like a fun place to go. Right are the same thing. Would you want to work with people like that all day long. I mean, you can maybe tolerate a meal. But what you really want to invest your time and energy in building an organization that allows people to be reckoned with one another or try to get you know, a lot of them are just trying to get you to do their job. So you’ve got to look at, you know, what are they doing? They’re trying to dodge their job. They’re trying to get you to do their work for them and all sorts of ways. You know, they may be bullying they may be it’s all about me, you know they may be why I mean about it, they may be very complicated, but what they’re doing is they’re trying to shirk their responsibility, and have someone else take it on who wants to work with in a place like that. That’s, that’s not people being motivated by their own energies or people being motivated by getting work done. It is really toxic, and that is the right word. But the tree toxics are the ones that are really have it out for you. And they just want to make everybody feel uncomfortable.
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
With your experience, as an attorney, are there legal risks involved? And and this? And if so, who does it involve? And what could be the consequences?
Linda Swindling
Well, it could be a lawsuit. If you think about it, some of this harassing behavior starts with someone who’s a bully, or someone who has control or tries to take control. And so you, we have a duty to do a safe workplace for workers, that’s, that’s if you’re an employer, that’s what your job is to do is to make sure employees have the tools they need instruction they need, and they have a safe place to do the work. So you’ve got all of a sudden, someone who’s making you feel uneasy, or maybe has mental problems, or maybe just is taken advantage. And so that behavior can can really be damaging, but it’s also maybe a signal that you have someone with a mental illness. And so all of a sudden, this person has been very stressed, you know, cracks and start showing some of this behavior. So that may be a different issue. Now you need to address you’ve got some behavior issues, and they may say, Wow, I didn’t realize that my divorce was spilling over into my workplace, or I didn’t realize that being sick like this is causing this. And sometimes it’s a wake up call for people.
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
One thing that just popped in my mind and this, this will have to be our closing question. And that is it was seemed to me and I want you to comment on this, it would seem to me that a constant complainer is not going to advance to the position that they would like they probably are going to have their their level set and not go above that, because they’re not promoting teamwork. They’re not promoting harmony, they’re not boosting morale, and they’re hurting productivity. Do you agree that? Would you think that as an expert on this that a person who is a constant complainer is probably not only damaging the place where they work, but they’re, they’re seriously limiting their own career,
Linda Swindling
they’re limiting their career, even the Toxics can get to a certain level, but then people say, you don’t have the leadership to take you further. So getting results are looking good only lasts for so long. And then you hit a ceiling where it doesn’t work. The other thing is, to really be a great leader, you have to have high performance around you high performers who can do the job. If you run them off. You know, you Here you are, you’re a jerk. People will not stay to help promote you and your agenda as your things that you’re trying to accomplish your objectives. Who wants to deal with that?
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
I’m very happy we included that in our discussion. Linda, you’re you’re a recognized expert on this topic and many related topics. This has been a very helpful conversation. I know people would love to get in touch with you. So please give us your contact information.
Linda Swindling
Sure, you can LinkedIn or you can go to my website and it’s Linda swim lane.com. And again, my LinkedIn is down there and all sorts of things.
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
And I encourage people to go to her website, look at the number of books that she has written watch her videos connect with her on the social media and LinkedIn she’s she’s a great resource. And since Linda has given her contact information, I am happy to give mine and we’ll start with my YouTube channel. If you go to YouTube and you and look at the search bar type in my YouTube moniker which is Bill Lampton PhD, and when you get there, I also encourage you hit that subscribe button so that you’ll have access to future videos. Currently, there are more than 450 instructional videos there. Many of them Were solo instruction. But within the last few years, I’ve had wonderful authoritative guest, Linda swindling and so many others who I have a conversation with and they definitely help us build our business. Next, of course, I hope that you will go to my website. And since I’m the biz communication guy, logically, my website is biz bi Z. Biz communication guide.com. While you’re on the website, there’s a place there where you can subscribe to the podcast encourage you to do that. Certainly, I would welcome a phone call. I No Obligation phone call just to hear about your communication challenges and problems and we can discuss how I can assist you with them. So please do give me a call Linda. Thanks so much for this fascinating and informative and enjoyable half hour and a few seconds how would you pull together what we’ve what we’ve gone over.
Linda Swindling
You all, just about everything’s in negotiation, and just nearly everything’s negotiable, hopefully not your ethics and your results, you know, but the big thing is, negotiate this. You deserve a place that is a good place to work. You deserve to help others, you know, also have a good place to work and you can do this you can stop complainers, you can stop those energy drainers
Bill Lampton Ph.D.
Thank you. Thanks very much, Linda swindlin for being our guest today. Thanks to those of you who joined us on video and also on the podcast. We know that you did learn winning words and ways and tips and strategies that will boost your business. I’m Bill Lampton the biz communication guy inviting you to be with us again on the next edition of the biz communication show
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
