Maggie DeCan Discusses Essential Communication Skills for Leaders

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
Bill, Hi there. Welcome to the biz communication Show. I’m your host. Bill Lambton, the biz communication guy, once again, bringing you tips and strategies that will boost your business. And these tips and strategies aren’t just from me, but they’re from our highly acclaimed guest today on the biz communication show I’m very happy to introduce coming to us from Woodstock and the Atlanta metro area, Maggie decan. Maggie decan recently retired as CEO and executive director of the nonprofit children’s development Academy in Roswell, Georgia, where she served for nearly eight years. Maggie wrote an Amazon Best Selling award winning book, humbled on purpose, recalling her journey through childhood trauma to corporate America and then to nonprofits, and she tells in the book How dealing with the implications of her scars from childhood ultimately led her to become a more authentic leader. Maggie is also a certified executive coach. Enjoys speaking consulting and pouring into the next generation through volunteer work with her national fraternity, Chi Omega and her alma mater the University of Michigan. Maggie decan has extensive C suite experience. She served as President, Chief Operating Officer and Chief Human Resources Officer at honey bait ham and she served in human resources and operations for Circuit City Belk and Macy’s. Maggie has been married for 38 years to her high school sweetheart Bob. They have two grown sons and two dogs, and she’s away from them long enough to be with us today. Hello, Maggie,

Maggie DeCan
hello. Thanks for having me on today. Bill, great to be here.

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
Oh, delighted to have a conversation with you, which will benefit certainly me and definitely our viewers and our podcast listeners. Maggie, I’ve, in the introduction, referred to your stint as a CEO and other C suite positions, right? And there’s probably an assumption many people have when they hear about somebody at that level, well, they grew up with that silver spoon atmosphere. They went to the best private schools their parents nurtured them, day in and day out, probably Ivy League colleges, and just never had much of a challenge. That’s why they’re at the top. And yet your book, humbled on purpose, tells a different story. So we would like to hear an overview today about the impact of your childhood, the trauma and then the happy side. Have you eventually worked through that to have a successful business career and personal life. That’s

Maggie DeCan
a great setup, thanks, Bill and getting better at my book. So humbled, on purpose actually starts out kind of with the humbling where I get quit, which is a nice euphemism for getting fired from really a wonderful job. And you know, it’s Easter time right now as we’re recording this where I was the president and COO at the Honey Baked Ham company, you know, one of America’s most beloved brands, and just an amazing 14 year career there, and it kind of goes in the first chapter where I take an 86% pay cut to go into nonprofit. Well actually, the nonprofit turns me down first, and I kind of have to claw my way into this huge pay cut of a job that’s very hands on, very different than my previous C suite role. And then in the next chapter, I really go back into kind of why I felt it was important to not do another. Job and kind of do my chapter of significance later. But why I felt like time was short, and that was because I lost my mom when I was 10 months old, and I never really got a straight answer as to why until I was 13, when I read her obituary and I learned that she had taken her own life, and that was

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
that was quite a jolt there, that

Maggie DeCan
she’s real, learning her sense of self, that set me on this, uh, journey of, I’m going to prove to the world that the right person was left on this earth, and I really was angry and had some self loathing and Mother loathing and things to prove. And then when I was 17, my dad died of a widow maker heart attack on Christmas Eve. So my dad had remarried when I was three, and that’s the only mother I’ve ever known and loved Carol. She’s still alive, but I was a biological orphan at 17, and I developed a control freakishness That is great training for a high powered executive, but not necessarily very attractive for a 17 year old girl.

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
What? What do you mean by that? What? What kind of mood or approach was that?

Maggie DeCan
Well, I controlled everything. I didn’t want anything bad to ever happen to me in the world again. So every I was dotted, every T was crossed. It’s probably not a surprise that, you know, my high school boyfriend and I never broke up. And, you know, just I, I straight A’s sorority president, Pan Hellenic president, high achievement worth, you know, valuing my worth on this world through achievement. And so it really also made me for not a great early leader. When they showed me the book at Macy’s on this is how to be a manager, I read it and then I executed it, and it makes me just cringe, Bill, when I look back at and think about some of the times somebody would call in and their car wouldn’t start, and I would lecture them as a 27 year old about No, well, you need to find more reliable backup transportation. And the lack of empathy I had because I had not lived their life for and especially mothers, you know, you need to find more reliable backup childcare. And I didn’t have my first child till I was 37 but when I think about somebody lecturing me on having better backup childcare, that’s just unrealistic. And so it really wasn’t until I became a mother and understood how hard it is to be a working mother, oh my gosh. And a lot of my employees at Macy’s were single working mothers, and I had a great partner and Bob and I can’t imagine, they must have hung up the phone and just laughed tackled at me about my professional immaturity and my unreasonable expectations, but gradually I became a more empathetic, authentic, realistic leader, and that really changed for me later, and I read about

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
that’s the good news, that’s the good news, right? That came out of this. And on the plus side, commending you, there are many people who never learn from those mistakes. I can tell you that I worked from for some CEOs in my 20 years during management, before I became an entrepreneur. Who came to mind when you were describing your hard nose, hard driving, non sympathetic rule book lady, I’ve been there and those, those particular bosses that I’m referring to that I dealt with, and I honestly will say, suffered under. I don’t think they, they ever changed. And I’ll tell you an interesting point about that. This was on a college campus, and there were two presidents there in succession. I worked for the second one. His predecessor had been absolutely beloved, a genuinely charming, caring person. The interesting part is that both of them had student enrollment kept going up. The contributions kept going up. Community relations were good, but in later years, I visited that campus walking around just to sort of see the place again. And I noticed that there was a building named in honor of that first president, but there was not a building named in honor of the second one, even though his numbers were great. And so you’ve given us a good, a great lesson about leadership there that there’s, there’s so many leaders who make the mistake at all levels of thinking it’s about the numbers, not realizing that the numbers are made by people, and they’re made by people who are inspired and encouraged and complimented. Is that pretty much describing what you learned? Oh,

Maggie DeCan
for sure, there’s a funny story. I’ll let people buy the book to read it about me when Hugo came through Charlotte, that is, I was, it was not my finest hour. That’s all I’ll say.

Speaker 1
That was a hurricane, hurricane, hurricane.

Unknown Speaker
Hugo, yes, and

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
you were, you thought everybody should be at work the next day. I

Maggie DeCan
just couldn’t imagine that Hugo would affect Charlotte four hours in, and at 4am that that morning, the cosmetics associates were having the last laugh as I was quivering in my bathtub, praying not to be sucked out of the roof of my town home. So yes, yes,

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
I I think of many examples of what you’re talking about, and it it to me, emphasizes the the great value of empathy. For sure, our leaders, we have time to talk about your book another minute or two, what? What are, what’s another major point in there that made you write the book?

Maggie DeCan
I think it’s resilience and scar tissue and and leading with your scars. It is so important in this day and age. You know, of you know, for lack of a better word, this contoured, curated everything’s for Instagram life that people be real with each other and show their scars and show their humanity and their humility, because it breaks down walls and builds trust. And when I stood in front of my national conference at Honey Baked and told them why I was a perfectionist and why I was a control freak, they already knew that I was it really built trust, and people were on in line as I came off the stage to tell me their stories and their scars and our our business results actually improve. Because when I came in and pointed that the light bulb was out, maybe before I said something great, they were like, Maggie. And I was like, Oh, you’re right. Good morning. Light bulbs out. Um, so it really leading with your scars and not trying to be perfect, especially for women who are sometimes judged more harshly than our our male counterparts, we learned that from lean in, which is a book, you know, it’s only, I think, 11 or 14 years old. I can’t remember which it is that too many women haven’t read again already. It’s getting lost in this next generation of leadership. Read lean in that women have to be more real and more honest and more authentic, so that people trust you and follow you and believe in you as their leader. And so I really do believe in being, being authentic, if, if you know, if you’re a little bit of a control freak, lead with that. Listen, I’m going to, I’m going to be in the details, but here’s why, and if people know your intent, they will cut you a lot of slack. So that’s something that is a an entire chapter in the book.

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
I believe it’s author, Brene Brown, who has almost put a word before us time after time. And that’s vulnerability, yes, along with authenticity, yes, and it’s interesting, Maggie, where you talk about striving to be perfect. One of my major roles as the biz communication guy is a speech coach. And when I’m working with my speech coaching clients, I initially hand them a page. Has some tips on it, and one of those tips is stop trying to be perfect, and I misspell the word perfect. I do, e, u, r, F, F, C, T, and they’ll say, You misspelled that. And I said, Yes, but you you knew what I meant, and that proved the point. You can get your meaning across and and being a real person, being authentic, being vulnerable, and even admitting mistakes before people who trust you for leadership that does not that does not diminish your leadership. It augments. It doesn’t it.

Maggie DeCan
No, exactly, you know, the other point is resilience. I think, Bill, it’s so important that people know it’s not, it’s not where you start, it’s, it’s where you finish, and you can start anywhere I started, you know, in a highly dysfunctional childhood with an angry father, who would sometimes take out his anger on his kids and lots of childhood trauma. There’s a score. It’s a bad, adverse childhood experience, and it’s a 10 point score, and anything above a four is supposed to basically mean that you are highly at risk for lots of bad outcomes, My score is an eight like it’s a miracle that I’m healthy and functional, much less have been highly successful. So one of the reasons I wanted to write the book was to inspire people that anybody after you’re 18 and you’re out on your own. And I say this in the book, you get to make a choice about, are you going to be happy, or are you going to be are you going to be victorious? Are you going to take a victory lap? Are you going to be a victim? You know, I chose to take all of my challenges and really build on them and use that scar tissue, which is tougher than regular tissue, to really build on it, and I think, I think people can use that where they have their own challenges in their life. I hope so.

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
That is a great phrase, that the scar tissue is even stronger than regular tissue. I’m going to make note of that, and when I mention it, I will give you credit that is, that is wonderful, Maggie. We’re the biz communication show, and certainly we’ve talked about some of your communication skills and even how you improve them. We’re going to take a short break, and when we come back, we’re going to have you identify for us the two or three major communication skills that leaders need. We’ll be right back. Do you

Speaker 2
wish you felt confident about giving speeches? Do you want to deal with difficult people constructively? And what about becoming more persuasive in sales. Then keep listening now to Dr Bill Lambton. He spent 20 years in management so he knows the communication skills you need for success. I urge you to call the biz communication guy today for a no cost, but very valuable, 30 minute discussion about your communication challenges. Call now 678-316-4300, 78, 3164300, again, that’s 678-316-4300,

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
hello. Again. You’re with us on the biz communication Show. I’m your host. Bill Lambton, the biz communication guy hosting today, Maggie dickan. Maggie, in the introduction, your bio and only told a portion of what you’ve accomplished, but it’s very impressive. As you say, you had leadership roles with major companies and their leaders today who are viewing our conversation, are listening to it, or there are aspiring listeners, aspiring leaders who are listening or viewing and so what would you identify, and especially With the process of learning that you went through, what would you identify as two or three major communication skills that someone should develop to excel in leadership positions, as you have done.

Maggie DeCan
Great question, Bill, one of the reasons that I was kept getting pushed to the next level, I think was because I could have an honest coaching conversation with somebody I and I wasn’t conflict avoidant. I could get to the heart of a conversation, maintain. Their self esteem, but still make sure they understood they wouldn’t leave the conversation feel like feeling like they got a compliment. They understood that there was an issue to be addressed and that they had work to do, but it wasn’t a personal issue. It was just a business issue that they needed to address and that we cared enough about them to have this conversation and to want them to improve. A lot of times I say, you know, we coach you because we care about you. We coach you because we care enough about you to tell you the truth. It’s when your boss stops talking to you that you really need to pay attention because then they’ve kind of given up on you. So definitely the ability to coach somebody maintain their self esteem and care enough about them to want them to be better and grow and improve. And then the other thing is to have group communication that is inspiring and motivating. I like to use humor, and I know you’re not supposed to, but a little bit of sarcasm in there. It just comes out of me. But the ability to talk to a team and the ability to have a platform speech is something that everybody I think needs to work on. I think Toastmasters is a great organization, and if I were in my mid 20s and really wanted to aspire to high level C suite leadership, I would invest some weekend time in developing that, or call the biz communication guide to get some coaching. But I think both that one on one communication, where you can have a clear conversation identify an issue that needs to be addressed, as well as a group conversation where you’re rolling out a big initiative or doing a platform address, and then, of course, there’s always the thank you note, the inspirational I saw you do something great, that there is nothing better for a leader to then to go into somebody’s office and see your note pinned up on somebody’s bulletin board that they cared enough about what you said to them to motivate them to put it on their bulletin board. So those would be the two or three pieces of communication that I would master.

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
Just last week, I produce one or two video shorts, YouTube shorts per week, maybe two or three. They’re 60 seconds or less, and one of them was on the value of handwritten messages, because we most of the messages we get our email, our maybe a a text, and if we get a letter often, it’s, it’s, which is rather rare these days, it’s typed. And what, what a handwritten letter tells you is that somebody took personal time. I mean, they they did something more personal, and it stands out from if it’s a letter that comes into our mailbox, or if you stay at work, if it’s on somebody’s desk. And it’s no surprise to me that people display those because they were very meaningful to them. Absolutely what time for one question, Maggie, and that is, even though people get places and overcome obstacles and have resiliences, as you have done, it’s it’s very rare. We do it without role models. Our mentors are there any one or two role models or mentors who helped you to the top?

Maggie DeCan
Oh gosh, I have been so, so lucky with mentors and role models. Chuck bechia at Honey Baked was a blessing from the day I interviewed to the day he walked out the door and beyond, as well as Mark aaronsmeyer at Circuit City and Bill zierden and Pete Douglas. But I also want to talk about somebody who is kind of a working mentor to both of us and connected us. And John Ray as I have become a little bit of an entrepreneur, I’m now a coach and doing some other things. He wrote the generosity mindset, and he didn’t just write. Generosity mindset. He embodies the generosity mindset. He’s always giving me a good idea, and he is, Maggie, is your podcast up yet? No, it’s not John. I’m sorry, but it will be. He is just so giving and helpful and out there trying to get other people, give other people the best of what he has. So you can be a mentor in so many ways, and he is just a model of what there is. And I am so bummed that my mentors are all male, because my first mentor on the recruiting trail and out of college was Pat benardo, and that was my first female mentor. And I’ve had other mentors, but my my most impactful ones in the prime of my career have all been really great men who took the time to see me as someone with promise.

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
We need those mentors and role models. And you’re you’re so right to mention John Ray also, and the Greater Atlanta area. John Ray, in fact, is the one who referred me to you, saying, Bill, this is somebody you truly want to interview. And I’ve interviewed John several times on this show. He’s interviewed me on his he’s he’s an amazing leader. We’re both fortunate to benefit from John Ray Maggie. Well, I know that there are those who will want to contact you, so please do two things, give us your contact information and also tell us how to get the book that you wrote. Humbled, on purpose,

Maggie DeCan
awesome. My contact information is Maggie at Maggie decann.com my website is Maggie decann.com my book, humbled on purpose is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, almost anywhere where books can be purchased. In the Atlanta area, it’s available at pose, and it’s available at a little coffee shop called brewable, and it’s available at Virginia Highlands books. And I would love for anybody to reach out and talk to me.

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
Great, great, great story in that book. I’m looking forward to reading it. And now that you’ve given your contact information, I’m happy to give mine my youtube channel Bill Lampton, PhD, and I’ve I’ve been posting instructional videos since 2007 don’t look back at any of those primitive first ones, please. But in recent years, I have produced more than 500 instructional videos, and it’s everybody’s favorite word on YouTube, free. How can you beat that? So while you’re on YouTube, I encourage you to subscribe to my channel and then my website. Since I’m the biz communication guy, my website, quite logically, as biz communication guy.com when you’re on the website, you’ll see a spot where you can subscribe to the podcast and have easy access to all future podcasts. My phone number 678-316-4300, I welcome calls without obligation for an inquiry. Get Acquainted. Call to tell me about your communication challenges and problems and how I can assist you with them. And before we close, I want to give credit to my co producer, Mike Stewart based in Nashville. Mike’s website is local internet presence.com, Maggie, you and I were talking about mentors and coaches and role models. I met Mike Stewart in 1997 he started teaching me how to get on the internet. He did my first website, and I’ve relied on Mike Stewart ever since then. Mike Stewart, local internet presence.com, I encourage people to to go and check check out Mike again. I want to thank Dottie. Excuse me, Maggie and Maggie, we’ve had a wonderful conversation, and 30 seconds or a minute, what particular central thought would you like to leave with our viewers and listeners?

Maggie DeCan
I would say that you just be who you are. Sure everything that you have in you is enough, and you don’t have to be perfect. Lead with who you are, be authentic. You’re enough.

Bill Lampton Ph.D.
Thank you, and God bless you don’t have to be perfect. All right, thanks so much again to Maggie, to can thanks those of you who joined us on the biz communication show, I’m your host, Bill Lambton, the biz communication guy, inviting you to be with us again next week for another stimulating conversation that gives you vital tips and strategies for your business. You

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